Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
