it hurts more in the daytime
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
