Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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