her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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