Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
