I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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