Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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