That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Randomize
