i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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