Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Randomize