she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Randomize
