the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
