he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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