you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
COCAINE IS GR8
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
