just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
