i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
