Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
