on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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