I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
