What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I'm always down for nudity.
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