If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
