I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
