The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
be right there i have to get my cape
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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