He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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