So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
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