She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
