Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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