she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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