I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
