I am puke
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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