When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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