Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Randomize