I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
