Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
