Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
