I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
