When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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