At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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