oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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