my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
