You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
