I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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