What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
