You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
