franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
