Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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