just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
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