I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
