You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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