OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
