I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Panties = found
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