I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize