She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
