Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
