he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
We got so high we made milksteak
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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