k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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