glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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