too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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