woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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