the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
