My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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