I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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