I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
