Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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