my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
