I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
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