sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
