Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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