He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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