I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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