You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize