Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
