Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I wear drunk well.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
