Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
