She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
