Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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