Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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