My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
this hospital has no fireball
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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