I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
