i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
