I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
