Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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