I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
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