Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
