I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
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