we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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