he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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