he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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