and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
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